Life after Life

Like so many women today, I have my plate full, my hands full, and my pockets full. And sometimes it seems to be getter harder and harder to carry it all. It is at these times I try to remember where I came from and that I am in control of where I go from here.


Four years ago I returned from a year in Afghanistan. Within the month I was pregnant with my first child. Though it was a blessing, it was a rather large adjustment to add to the already complicated process of readjusting to life back home.

Less than three months later, my husband who is also in the military, was sent to North Carolina (I live in Oklahoma) for the next two years. I had already started school and so was left to attend to my academics and my pregnancy alone. Fast forward six months, my beautiful baby girl, Emma, is born. A month later I was finally able to reunite with my husband and true to form I am pregnant again!!!

In the time since (my daughter is now two and my son, Aiden, is one) my life has been spent raising my children and working around my husband's schedule, which keeps him traveling six to nine months out of the year. I was left with the task of building a life with a practical stranger, working when I could, and raising my kids in a new unfamiliar city.

Gradually, I left myself behind more and more until I felt nearly hollow. I was stressed out beyond coping, lonely, angry, meloncholly and guilt ridden for feeling all of the above. "I am no one so special, that I should be feeling this way." I would tell myself. I am certainly not alone in my plight as a military spouse. Still I was left wanting.

Since then I have been on the search, not quite knowing what for. And two months ago, it found me in the form of a DVD, The Secret. . I was not immediately revived. But I was certainly given a slap in the face, which was exactly what I needed. I was suddenly very thirsty and have been diving into the crazy notion of nurturing myself as well as my family. It is still a constant struggle.

Each day brings new questions, new challenges to face, and yet another obstacle to climb. But at least now I feel as though I have a safety net.

This is a continuous journey, and one that I want to share in hopes that it will inspire someone else. Then perhaps we can go together, daring to believe our dreams can come true, even when life happens.