Moving Past the Past of Others

We spend so much of our lives in search for release from our past; the regrets, the guilt, the pain, the anger. I spent years continuously replaying the events of my past, secretly hoping that somehow they would change. That they could miraculously disappear. Until finally, I learned to accept them. I learned how to understand that I was only robbing myself of my potential by focusing on the past instead of the future.
I had lunch with my mother the other day. And in our conversation we came to some issues of the past. One in particular regarding some rough times between my husband and I. And she asked me if I was okay about it all. The answer was honestly, yes. The more we spoke about it the more I started to realize how often we, especially women, hold onto the actions of others.

When I was going through these hard times with my husband, I finally had to make a choice. I was tired of being mad all the time. I was exhausted from all the negative energy bouncing back and forth between us. I decided to really look at the situation, and something I never expected happened. The one I was really questioning, was ME. Now, being the person who felt they had been wronged, I was surprised that I would chose myself to "interrogate". Yet, it was absolutely correct! The questions that were calling to be answered were all there in my own heart. By focusing on my reasons for holding onto this event ,which I played no direct part in, I was facilitating the stagnation of my own personal growth.

The task of truly examining the situation was not easy. These were hard questions to face. What did I honestly know and how did it affect me, on every level? Was this something that I can learn from? Was this something I could forgive and move beyond? The answer for me was yes. I knew that despite everything, my husband and I love each other greatly. That we had both learned a hard lesson about ourselves and each other. That the hurt was amendable and most importantly forgivable. So I allowed myself to let go and facilitate a stronger bond between my husband and I, as well as within myself. This brings me to my topic.

Clinging to the past is draining and counterproductive to our personal path in life. But to do the same with someone else's past, is truly harmful. There are lessons to be learned everywhere. Yet, at some point one must realize the difference between focusing on growth and enabling our own struggles. We are the only ones who control the direction of our destination. No matter the actions of others, we are the ones who chose whether or not to use it as a stepping stone or a stone that weighs us down. "To be or not to be a victim".

My choice may not have been the same for someone else if they had been in my shoes. I made a decision that was right for me and my marriage at the time, and have never looked back. Our happiness is too important to hold on to the past actions of someone else. So often, the greatest lessons we learn are from letting go of the questions, cutting away the knots we have tied, and moving beyond the past; no matter who it belongs to.