Today is a hard day. It is the anniversary of the day my brother took his own life. But that isn't all it's about. Today is the anniversary of so many things. I watched my parents try to deal with a loss that, as a parent myself, I pray to God I never have to experience. I watched the battle over the little baby girl my brother never got meet. The lives of my family were changed forever. We were ripped into a million little pieces with no idea of how to start putting them back together. Every year that passes by I am surprised at the fact that it never gets easier to accept. It always hurts. I have learned to cope. We all have. That is what we have to do, because no matter what tragedy befalls us, life goes on-- even when we can't see how it could.
I miss my brother. I am sad that I never got to know him as well as I wanted to. We were just beginning, you see. We didn't get along very well growing up, but as adults we were finally starting on a path to possible friendship. Not just sibling love but actual friendship. You can love your brother and still not like him very well. I would like to think we would have been great friends. Every year it is my biggest regret: that we didn't take those steps sooner.
As time goes by, however, I am able to see this day as something else, something positive. I will always wish things had not gone the way they did August 31, 2003. I will always miss my brother and swallow that hard lump when I hear his favorite songs on the radio. I know that my brother is somewhere beyond imagining where the concerns of this physical plain are inconsequential at most. I take comfort in that. I understand that the grief I feel is over the loss of him here, now. I believe that he is free and surrounded by love.
My wish for this day then, is that it serves as a reminder. Let it serve as an urging to take those steps my brother and I were unable to. APPRECIATE! Be Thankful! Because tomorrow, you might not be able to. If we live each day with the intent to say what needs to be said and do the things that truly matter, then when the time comes you won't be left saying, "I wish we had only..."
LOVE. Love like it matters because it does. It matters most.
And FORGIVE. Forgive, because true love is not possible otherwise.
Dedicated in memory to my big brother, Ryan. Until we meet again...
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
What is a Conscious Mom?
In September of 2006 I found out I was pregnant. Everything about the pregnancy was pretty typical: morning sickness 24/7, weight gain, weird cravings, no sleep, and eager anticipation. Of course my husband, Stuart, and I were nervous, but we were ready to start our family. There was something , however, I hadn’t considered. In the middle of picking out nursery themes, names, and planning showers I never once agreed to let having a baby be the end of my life as an individual. I knew, of course, that becoming a parent would change my life forever. I just wanted it to remain MY LIFE.
There are enough expectations on women without throwing in a specific mold that we are to squeeze ourselves into after starting a family. Why are we short-changing ourselves? There is no one specific way of being a person or a parent, yet there still remains a belief that a woman has to give up a large part of her individuality in order to be a proper mother.
Enter being a conscious mom.
It’s not about ignoring our duties as a mother. It’s about enhancing our ability to be a great parent by staying true to our selves. It’s about realizing that we are so much more than we can define on paper. It’s okay to be, do, have what we want. It doesn’t make us less of a parent; it makes us a better one. By exploring our desires and needs, taking risks, doing the unexpected, keeping ourselves happy so that we can facilitate that in others, we give ourselves permission to live outside predetermined roles. We give our children an insight into how to live free by BEING free.
Discover yourself in all your components. Find your inspiration, your drive, the successes that give you hope, the trials that give you strength and incorporate that into being a mother.
I am on a journey everyday to nurture my true self, explore what spirituality means to me, discover the best way for me to be a mom, and make my own dreams come true- all while encouraging my children to do the same. This blog is the exploration of that incredible challenge.
There are enough expectations on women without throwing in a specific mold that we are to squeeze ourselves into after starting a family. Why are we short-changing ourselves? There is no one specific way of being a person or a parent, yet there still remains a belief that a woman has to give up a large part of her individuality in order to be a proper mother.
Enter being a conscious mom.
It’s not about ignoring our duties as a mother. It’s about enhancing our ability to be a great parent by staying true to our selves. It’s about realizing that we are so much more than we can define on paper. It’s okay to be, do, have what we want. It doesn’t make us less of a parent; it makes us a better one. By exploring our desires and needs, taking risks, doing the unexpected, keeping ourselves happy so that we can facilitate that in others, we give ourselves permission to live outside predetermined roles. We give our children an insight into how to live free by BEING free.
Discover yourself in all your components. Find your inspiration, your drive, the successes that give you hope, the trials that give you strength and incorporate that into being a mother.
I am on a journey everyday to nurture my true self, explore what spirituality means to me, discover the best way for me to be a mom, and make my own dreams come true- all while encouraging my children to do the same. This blog is the exploration of that incredible challenge.
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